I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
