Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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