i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
