i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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