I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
