Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
