things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Less talking, more tequila
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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