I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
