There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
