You're my little dorito
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
