i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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