i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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