please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
