im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
two words: eviction party
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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