No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
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I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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