i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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