What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
