I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
