tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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