I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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