i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
