Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
