I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
