Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
