If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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