I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
