Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
