I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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