I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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