Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
