Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
