When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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