I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
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Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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