I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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