i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
