White coat. Heels.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
