I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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