Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
