I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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