Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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