that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
