No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
