everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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