Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You made me cry and you don't even care
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize