Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
