Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
