he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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