I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
