you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
