Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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