After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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