everyone is single if you try hard enough
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
