Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
