just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
