Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
