He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
