So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
