Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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