when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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