I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He shit in the fireplace
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
