i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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