Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
