He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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