Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
