there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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