I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
