whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
