Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
