before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
